Playing Well With Others

As I write this tip, we are approaching the July 4th weekend, and I just received an email inviting me to participate with an organization of people portraying fife and drum musicians of the American Revolution. I have performed with this group on numerous occasions since 2004, usually at Colonial Williamsburg in Virginia.

The criteria for participating in this group remain unchanged, despite three leadership changes that have occurred since its formation. You must have been or currently be a reenactor portraying a fifer or drummer from the American Revolution; you must be able to play the assigned music; and you must play well with others. This third requirement is not a music skill; it’s a people skill.

It is worth noting that for over twenty years, we have been aware of people who are experts in playing colonial period music, some of whom are also experts in music history, but who lack the ability to work well with others. They argue, they criticize, they know it all, and want you to know they know it all. They have never been invited.

The above example involves a volunteer organization. In such an organization, if toxic people are allowed to join because of their expertise, regardless of their harmful behavior, you have the luxury of being able to walk away without it impacting your livelihood. If that happens at your job, you typically cannot afford to walk away. Toxic coworkers can cause you to become increasingly unhappy at work, affecting your morale and job performance.

The idiom “plays well with others” refers to being amiable and cooperative when interacting with others. This phrase may have started as a way of describing children, but it is often used to describe the ability of adults who work well with others as compared to employees who are overly competitive, aggressive, or otherwise toxic in their work interactions. Getting along with colleagues is crucial, arguably more so than skill.

For those with hiring responsibilities, it is crucial to understand that hiring people who get along well with others is vital. Don’t hire a person who is exceptionally skilled in a particular task if they are unable to get along with others. And for God's sake, please don’t put them in a leadership position. The overriding rule in the hiring (or promotion) process should be, if you can’t get along with others, you can’t work for me. Hire (and promote) carefully!

What if you already have someone working for you who doesn’t play well with others?

It’s important to know what you can and cannot control. You cannot control personalities. You can influence but not control attitudes. You can, however, control behavior on the job.

Keep things professional. Treat everyone (including people you don’t like) fairly, with dignity, and respect. Be a good listener. Focus on the positive. Know your hot buttons. Know what aggravates you. Is it an aggravation that is yours alone and should be tolerated, or is it behavior causing problems for others that you should address? Know when an employee’s negative, controlling, or overbearing behavior is impacting the morale and job performance of others. If an employee’s negative behavior (their acts or omissions) is having negative consequences, it is time to act. Be assertive and intervene to stop such behavior.

TIP: Understand that the ability to get along with others is important and should not be ignored because of an employee’s skill at a particular task. We can always train people in tasks. It is much harder to train a toxic person to play well with others.