When to Argue, and When to Walk Away
Some supervisors take pride in winning every argument. Some pride themselves in avoiding every argument. This raises questions regarding the permissibility of engaging in an argument with subordinates or superiors. It is, in some cases, permissible. But supervisors (of any rank) must balance assertiveness with sound judgment when deciding whether to engage in an argument or walk away. Here are a few suggestions to help you decide:
When to Engage in an Argument (Professionally): Engage when the goal is to clarify, advocate, or prevent harm — not to win or vent.
With a Subordinate:
Safety or policy violations: Engage when an employee’s actions could cause harm, violate critical rules or policies, or place the employee or others at unnecessary risk.
Insubordination or misconduct: Engage with an employee if inappropriate behaviors (acts or omissions) are observed. Ignoring a problem behavior sends the wrong message.
Unfounded resistance to feedback: Engage (not necessarily argue) if walking away and ignoring the issue would damage accountability or morale.
Repeated poor performance: Engage and give appropriate feedback, particularly if the employee’s poor performance is affecting the team.
With a Superior:
Ethical concerns: Engage when asked to do something illegal, unethical, or that contradicts policy.
Advocating for your team: Engage if decisions above you are harming your team unfairly or unjustly.
Unclear or conflicting directives: Engage when it is necessary to seek clarification and prevent failure.
Defending a necessary resource or process: Engage when equipment, resources, or the process is vital to the team’s success.
In all cases, the goal is not a shouting match but a calm, fact-based conversation. Use respectful feedback (and/or respectful pushback) in an assertive communication style.
When to Walk Away or Avoid the Argument: Avoid arguing when the issue is petty, emotional, or unproductive in the moment.
With a Subordinate:
They're angry or emotional: Wait until they’ve cooled down. No one, including your employees, listens to logic and reason when they are in a highly emotional state.
It’s about personal opinions or attitudes: Focus on behavior and performance, not personalities.
It's a one-time, minor issue: Not every disagreement needs to be addressed directly. While inappropriate behavior should be addressed, nitpicking inconsequential matters or personal pet peeves is typically a waste of your time.
They’re looking to provoke you: Don’t engage in power struggles. There is an old saying, “Engage and Enrage.” Don’t argue with people looking for an argument.
With a Superior:
Timing is poor: If they are busy, agitated, or unreceptive, delay the conversation.
You’re emotional: Never argue when you’re angry — request a meeting later.
It’s a preference, not a principle: If it's not mission-critical, defer to a time when you can have a more casual conversation.
You lack enough facts: Get your information straight first before engaging in an argument with your boss.
General Rule:
Argue with purpose: Only when it serves a professional, ethical, or safety-related goal.
Avoid ego-driven conflict: Arguments for pride, dominance, or emotion rarely end well.
Choose timing wisely: Even valid concerns can be ignored if brought up at the wrong time.
Know your audience: Tailor your approach to the person’s communication style and authority level.
TIP: There is a time and place where a professional argument (verbal disagreement) is appropriate. And there is a time and place where walking away, at least temporarily, is the better choice. Know how to balance the difference.